Don’t Forget to Listen

I had a conversation with a parent the other day regarding some struggles they were having with their child. The first advice I give to parents, caregivers and educators is to ask their child/student. Talk to them. Ask them what they are struggling with and what they feel they are doing well at. What are their likes and dislikes? What makes them happy and what upsets or angers them? Especially as a teen, it is good to let them know that you see they are struggling and you support them no matter what. The question, “How can I help you?” or “What do you need from me? I’m here,” can go a very long way sometimes. Instead of us telling them what they should be doing (don’t get me wrong, I feel like I’m telling Gracie all the time how to do things), we can ask them what they feel they need right now. In this very moment. Just letting them know that you are there for them, and allowing them to make some of their own decisions (as long as they are safe) empowers them to make the right choice and you just might be surprised! All of those things you’ve been harping on your kids for, might just sink in. We tend to forget sometimes that our kids, no matter what age, can be very insightful to what they need. Obviously this is more difficult for some. Some of your kids may be non-verbal, or give you one word answers or a grunt. They may say things are fine when they aren’t. But just letting them know you are there for them, can open up the doors to communication. If you child is non-verbal but can point to yes and no or nod their head, get creative and come up with some things you think might be triggering them. Look at what they are playing with or what they are watching. Sometimes if your child is watching the same episode over and over, it might be on topic with what they are going through. Sometimes the answer is right there in front of us but we are too busy to really see it. And don’t feel bad about that! Just remember, the answer could be the knowledge your child/student already has. They are pretty amazing.

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Developmental Age Is My Saving Grace

Patience. We either wake up with it or we don’t. Some say we choose it or we don’t. I like to think I’m patient, but I know I run out of it sometimes. I’m only human. As parents we have a lot going on in our lives. Regardless of whether we work full time, are a single parent or if we are a stay-at-home mom or dad. We all have our own busy lives.

The last post I wrote was on our child’s developmental age vs. their birth age. That post had more to do with how to teach and treat our children. One thing I didn’t add but wanted to share was how seeing your child’s developmental age can help us as parents, caregivers and teachers to have more patience.

Gracie will tell me she loves me a hundred times in a day. Seriously, I use a counter to track how often sometimes! It feels like a million times! She wants to hug me just as often. She wants me home. She follows me around. She is learning but still interrupts conversations to say what she wants to say. She gets excited over the smallest things. Christmas and Santa and the Easter Bunny and all other magical beings are the most exciting times in her world. She loves candy and anything sweet and always wants the first and biggest piece of cake. She wants to cuddle (and would get on my lap if I let her). She watches Treehouse TV and cartoons galore. She is completely innocent when it comes to sex, drugs and alcohol. She is emotional at times. Up until recently, she had meltdowns like a toddler. Imagine that in an adult body.

On the flip side, she listens to rap music. Has her sister do her makeup some days. Is able to have very mature conversations at times. She is very tall and grown up physically. She says swear words (limited to her bedroom only). She deals with all the same hormonal changes girls her age go through. She likes some name brand clothing and wants to fit in with others (although she seems to have gotten past that and is happy in her own skin). But, she posts selfies, some that include that duck face pose and likes the comments she receives! She has a boyfriend and best friend. She wants to be like every other teenager in the world.

Now here is what I mean by “her developmental age is my saving grace”. When I look at Gracie as her young 4-8 yr. old self, when I see the child inside her, I have much more patience when dealing with certain things. When I see her developmental age instead of her birth number or size of her body, her symptoms make complete sense to me. When I don’t realize that, it makes it much more difficult for me to understand and be patient with what she is doing. So give it a try. The next time you are starting to lose patience with your child or student, try seeing them at their developmental age and see if it makes a difference to you. How would you react to a 3 yr. old vs a 13 yr. old?

As I just explained to Gracie, she is a teenager but still has that “small kid inside her”. One that she is so blessed to have! How many of us have grown up wishing as a child to be an adult? We couldn’t wait to grow up and our parents would tell us not to rush it. She has the luxury of growing up, but still has the innocence, excitement and magic of a child we all wish we still had. That is something she is so fortunate to have! And we as her family and friends are so fortunate that we get to see life through her eyes. Her excitement, energy and belief of magic is contagious. Holidays will always be exciting because she will always hear that bell ring, because she will always believe.

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Don’t Think Your Child Will Be Able To Camp?

Neither did we! But boy were we wrong. That’s why I never like to assume G can’t do something. We have had some great family camping trips and some did have a few challenges along the way. But it sure was worth it!

I will always have great childhood memories of camping with my family in Honeymoon Bay. Days spent swimming, fishing, creating fantasy worlds in the forest that surrounded us, finding “furniture” and homes within the shapes and grooves of the granite rocks and cooking over the campfire. The whole family including grandparents, cousins and pets would be there. These were memories I hoped to make for my family. That reality became a little more challenging when the kids were young and Gracie struggled with meltdowns and sensory issues more than she does today. But most importantly, how could we be sure she would be safe when she was known to take risks when she didn’t understand the danger?

Well we did manage to go camping several times and make memories I hope they will cherish like I did. It wasn’t always easy though and there was a lot of preparation to make the trips a successful one!

I still remember the time Gracie was about 10 years old and having a doozy of a meltdown. We didn’t want the entire campground to hear her or have her siblings embarrassed because all eyes would be on us. So I managed to get her in the car and drove around the campground and parking lots. I can’t even remember what it was about. But boy did G scream! She screamed and kicked the windows, kicked my seat, tried to hit me and tried tearing off her seatbelt (she was too distraught to think clearly enough to remember to just click the button) but that is why we stuck with the camp roads and parking lots. I don’t know how long this went on for but it seemed like forever. She finally stopped and we went back to our campsite like nothing had just happened. Emma and Josh were still having fun with their dad and grandma and the other campers were still going about their business. I asked Gracie if she was all done and ready to try again before we got out of the car. She said yes, got out and joined her brother and sister. Now I’m sure this meltdown was about something she wanted, when she wanted it as this was usually the antecedent. So if she asked again for whatever it was she had to scream about, the answer still would have been no. We need to be consistent with her or the meltdowns would be 100 times worse. She would’ve realized that I wasn’t changing my answer and moved on or if she started with another meltdown, we’d get straight back in the car and start all over again. She obviously didn’t want to do that again so she chose to move on. A few hours later, when she is fully calm, is when we talk to her about what happened, how she reacted and what she can do next time she feels that way.

During that same camping trip we visited Ottawa and Quebec over Canada Day weekend. We saw fireworks, made s’mores, visited museums and saw concerts. There were crowds and noises and chaos. But we managed. And even though the meltdowns and tough times are still remembered, it’s the good times that stick with me the most.

I share this with you because I know many of you have these same sort of challenges plus some, that might make you believe there is just no way you could ever go camping! But no matter where your child is in life right now, you can still provide the experiences of camping one way or another. Whether that’s at a campground or in your own backyard.

I realized sharing this story and adding in some specific strategies can make for a very long post so I decided to make this a 2 part blog post. Click here for Part 2 if you would like to keep reading on how you too can have a successful camping trip.

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Summer of 2020! What Shall We Do?

No summer camps, no respite, no daycare, no summer school, no community living teen groups. Is this what the summer of 2020 is going to look like? I don’t know about you, but this summer is going to look much different for us than it usually does. We’ve already had 3 months of constant family time! Don’t get me wrong! It’s actually been pretty great! And much better than expected! I seem to have had more patience even with homeschooling. Which brings me back to those moments when Gracie was younger and having major meltdowns. It seemed that the bigger the meltdown, the more calm I became. Anyone else ever feel that way? It’s like when there is something traumatic or frightening going on and you just go into “fix it mode” and then crash when it’s all said and done. That seems to be what has happened in our family. Everyone stepped up, and thought about each others feelings and needs. But let’s be honest, it’s starting to wear thin on everyone.

Summer is a time for fun and friendship and outings. Campfires and boating, swimming and camp! The biggest challenge for Gracie is not getting to attend Camp Kennebec this year. Every summer she meets up with friends for a week or two and has the time of her life! Other than Christmas, Camp Kennebec is the highlight of her year. A place where there is no judgement, she can be herself, try new things and make memories that will last a lifetime. But this year is different. And those of you who have children who struggle with the word “different/change/transition” know what I am talking about. It’s hard enough to have the small transitions and changes that happen on a daily basis, but something as big as this with a lack of understanding about Covid19 makes things a little more complicated.

For the most part, the tough times of having to explain to our kids about Covid has come and gone and I’m hoping most of you have gotten into some sort of routine. But I know it hasn’t been easy.

This summer will be different. But that can also bring on some creativity. Whether I want to be creative or not, I need to figure out what this summer will look like so my daughter will still keep up her social skills and have some good memories. Out of the 8 weeks of summer, Gracie is usually in an overnight camp and day camp for a total of 4 of those weeks. So for HALF of the summer, Gracie is entertained by someone other than myself. Now I get to entertain her for 8 whole weeks!!

Here are some things that we will be doing to help make this summer go over a little better:

We have an AMAZING friend who has 3 children on the spectrum. You want to talk about Wonder Woman, this is her in the flesh! She parents her 3 children (all who have different likes and needs) in a way that I aspire to be like! Every time we go to her house, she has activities planned and THE best snacks for the kids. Now I’m not saying you need to do all of that. I’m just letting you know how fantastic she is because she definitely deserves a shout out! So does her hubby Marc who helps her out!

This fierce mama has invited a small group of kids to her house weekly so they can see each other, go for a swim and keep up their social skills. We have worked so hard to teach our kids the social skills they need (and we keep teaching them) so this isolation stuff has been hard! I am so grateful for this family and their kindness. Do you have a friend who might like to host if you aren’t able to? Now is the time to not be shy. If you don’t ask, you’ll never know. And these are trying times where we really need our village to help us out!

Swimming: the beaches are now open in our area. And I hope they won’t close any time soon! As long as everyone is respectful and keeps their distance, we should be good. We will head to some smaller beaches and secret spots we know about. We were even thinking of getting a small above ground pool for the summer, but that’s still a discussion to have with the hubby! Lol Although now that the weather is so hot, driving down the road to the beach is welcoming!

Walks: There are many trails in our area. Can you find a quiet trail to take your kids out for a walk on? Check out these trails in our own back yard, Awenda Provincial Park There are also several around town. And don’t forget about the Wye Marsh! Their trails are open with a limited capacity.

Zoo: The Elmvale Zoo is now open so that might be a nice place to take the kids for the day. Easy to keep your distance and some interesting animals to see. The Toronto Zoo is now open but you have to book your tickets online only and there are time slots. For those of you who have children that would never walk the distance of the Toronto Zoo they now have a Scenic Safari where you can stay in the comfort of your vehicle. It is a 90 mins. tour. I’m hoping they keep this as an option because I think it would allow MANY families to attend who normally wouldn’t be able to.

Camping: We hope to get out camping. At the very least, my hubby and I are going to go one weekend as the kids aren’t as interested in that anymore. But remember that awesome mama I mentioned above. She has a daughter who would struggle with camping, so they improvise! They have camping in their backyard with tents and a campfire. They enjoy all the activities of camping you can imagine and when night falls and it’s time to hit the tent, this mom and her daughter head inside so her daughter can sleep comfortably in her bed and their dad stays outside in the tent with the other two. So awesome!! And still SO.MUCH.FUN! I will do another post just on camping and will link it here when I do.

I was going to keep writing and adding some summer activities. But I’m going to be honest with myself and with you. We will be at home A LOT of the time. I’m not big on going out. I work full time. I’m tired a lot of the time. I have great ideas of all these exciting things we can do, but if I’m honest with myself, we don’t get to half of them. We like our alone time. Our down time. And honestly, I’m not going to feel bad about that anymore. We’ll do what we want, when we want, and when we can but we also need to keep up with our responsibilities and our own needs too. I’ve learned to not feel bad about it anymore. I’m a good mom and I do my best. Even if my best means taking some down time for myself so I can keep parenting my kids the best way I know how. So please, to those of you who can’t get out or do a single thing I mentioned, don’t be hard on yourself! You are doing what you can at this very moment! Your kids will remember the love they feel from you much more than the memories of camping or going to the zoo.

For those of you who are interested in more ideas for things to do with your kids this summer, click on the link below and check out the photo where you will find some great ideas.

Edventures with Kids I like the bucket idea…you’ll see what I mean when you click on the link.

I found this picture on Pinterest. I would like to give credit to the person who spent the time to create it but it was on a few different blog links. Obviously we won’t be able to do some of them because of Covid and closures but there are several that can be done. I hope you enjoy some of them if you can!

So to all of you families out there, enjoy your summer, whatever it may look like!

Wishing you a safe, healthy and happy summer with as few meltdowns as possible!

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Honesty… it’s not just my story. It’s theirs too.

It’s been a very long time since I published anything on here! Almost a year! I’ve been struggling a bit with what to write for so long because I don’t want to write anything but the truth. The good, the bad and the ugly! I feel that writing about our life story is the best way to help others understand that we are all in this together. If I can’t be honest, then what is the point? Social media is affecting so many people in wonderful ways but can also be so unrealistic! When I was dealing with health issues and feeling like crap, I could not even look at Reese Witherspoon’s IG posts! Her perfect outfits and perfect hair in her clean house with her happy kids and well behaved dogs! You know what I’m talking about right?? My house seemed to be in complete disarray and I didn’t have the strength to even do my hair for work let alone cook a delicious healthy meal for the family AFTER work! Are you kidding me?!? Seeing her posts plus the many others (even from real life people I know) was too depressing! The guilt I would feel for not being like that! It’s crazy, I know! Don’t get me wrong, I love Reese and I’m sure she’s had her fill of struggles too. But the perfect persona shown on social media was just too much for me to handle at the time! I also see many moms on social media who post videos of their toddlers and lives, and I LOVE their honesty! That’s what keeps me coming back to read their blogs or watch their videos. The problem for me is that my kids are teenagers and have a more “shy” personality. Mine get embarrassed if I show people their baby pictures let alone post it for the world to see! I’ve wanted to post about many things over the past year. Where Gracie was and where she is at today. The struggles that all 3 of my teenagers have faced over their high school years. The problem is, it’s not just my story to tell. It belongs to them too. I’ve talked to Gracie about how telling her story can help others, especially since she’s come so far. She shouldn’t be embarrassed by the things she’s done in her past, the choices she’s made or the struggles she’s faced because that has made her who she is today. And to us, she’s pretty incredible! She has agreed to share some things now and I will post them (with her permission of course) as often as I can. But for now, what are some things you would like to know? What are your biggest challenges and how can we help? Shoot me an email or comment below and we will do our best! I just wanted to let you know that we’re back. Hopefully with some inspiring info. that can help you and your family live a well balanced life!! Or at least somewhat balanced!

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Waiting For the First Day of School

Every year our G goes through a bit of a rough time a week or two before school starts. This year we got her school supplies at the beginning of August and she thanked me because she had been worrying about that for a month (which would be the beginning of July) but she knew I would say that was way too soon to worry! lol I had know idea she was worrying for that long. And I guarantee you she has worried like this every year of her life! She just didn’t show it until a week or two before school. Or maybe she did show it. Looking back, our summers were a big struggle. She would have meltdowns ALL the time! I remember going camping in Ottawa over the July 1st weekend. I  had to put her in the car and drive around while she screamed and kicked the windows so she wouldn’t disrupt the other campers trying to enjoy a relaxing time. We used to think it was the change in routine. And maybe it was. But now I think we can add in the unknown of the following school year for her. Not seeing her “people”, her teachers and peers everyday. For a child with adoption issues, this can be traumatizing in itself. People coming and going in her life.

This year has been one of huge success! Instead of crying and screaming and laughing, she has directed all of her anxieties into singing and playing her guitar. She makes up songs as she “plays” (she strums incredibly well so we’re going to start guitar lessons in the fall). Her songs are all about her starting school, who her EAs and teachers might be, and how she would like the year to go. Right now, she’s singing about how it will be ok. She had a good year last year and this year will be the same. She is singing whatever she needs to in order to feel better about it. The guitar is going non-stop, ALL DAY LONG. I wanted to take it away yesterday, but that is when I realized, she is directing her anxious fears in a healthy way. I can’t take that away from her. I would much prefer to hear her playing the guitar and singing, rather than screaming and laughing hysterically. And when I can’t take it anymore, I leave. I go for a walk or a drive. Some might think she should do something else in her day. Wonder how I can let her do this all day long. Well, for G, she needs to let all of this “out” before she gets to school, otherwise, it will all come out AT school. She told me she had her big cry yesterday too. She’s like a volcano ready to erupt and she will. I would just prefer she do it at home instead of at school where she would be embarrassed. A couple of days playing guitar in her room is the healthiest thing for her at this moment.

So whatever your child needs to do to prepare themselves for their new school year, especially if they are starting a new school such as high school, let them do it. In a safe and loving environment. Trust that they know what they need. If it’s still aggressive behaviour like it used to be for us, it will pass. You will get through it just like you did the last meltdown. And the one before that. And the one before that. You just need to do what you need to do to keep them safe.

You aren’t alone. Several families are going through similar situations as you are reading this.

So to you, I am sending a big hug, strength and love! You’ve got this!!

 

Mel

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Friendships

Well this is a tough one! In all honesty, I think that certain skills can be taught on how to be a good friend, how to have conversations with people, play skills, how to connect with non-verbal children who seem to prefer to play independently etc. etc. But what it really comes down to, in order for all of those teachings to work, is for your child to find someone who accepts them for who they are.

GG has always connected more with adults than children her own age. The adults seem to enjoy her enthusiasm and even more, her honesty. Not all teenagers can handle that kind of honesty.  I would say her biggest struggle right now is not understanding the conversations that her peers have. Plus developmentally, they are at a different stage than she is. She is wanting to go to parties or hang out with friends on a Friday night yet still loves treehouse tv. She listens to the typical rap music her peers listen to and then mixed in with those playlists she has the wheels on the bus, etc.  She can’t be unsupervised so this makes things very difficult! She can be easily manipulated to do something because she wants to fit in so bad. She’s been in tears over this.

I know some of you have children who continue to struggle with peers and developing friendships. My advice to you is to keep working through them as they come along, but also throw in some teaching moments whenever possible.

*Disclaimer! LOL  I haven’t researched this in a long time! We learn as we go. So most of my suggested book list is probably outdated! However, they still worked for us so that is why I’m sharing them. If and when I come across some new material, I’ll let you know! 

Here are a list of books and programs we have used and love:

The Asperkid’s (Secret) Book of Social Rules: The Handbook of Not-So-Obvious Social Guidelines for Tweens and Teens with Asperger Syndrome written by Jennifer O’Toole. This book is written for your child to read themselves. They have to be able to comprehend it and it is a bit on the challenging side. It was too complicated for G to read so I read it myself and explained some of it to her in a way she would understand. It’s a great way to really understand where our kids are coming from and how they see the world. It was written by a woman with Aspergers. Who better to learn from than from someone who has lived with this struggle!

More Than Words: Helping Parents Promote Communication and Social Skills by Fern Sussman. This book was given to us at a workshop for parents. It was suggested for parents whose children were non-verbal. It was a good program, especially to meet and connect with other parents. Ask your speech pathologist for a course near you. (If they still run them)!

I am a huge fan of the Pivotal Response Treatment manuals from the Koegel Autism Consultants. They have books and manuals on their website that I highly recommend.

Pivotal Response Treatment® is a highly acclaimed research-based intervention for individuals with Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD). PRT® is a naturalistic intervention model derived from Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) *

Space Travellers: An Interactive Program for Developing Social Understanding, Social Competence and Social Skills for Students with Asperger Syndrome, Autism and  Other Cognitive Challenges: Space Guide Manual. This is a program that can be done in school with their classmates in a fun space theme.

The Circles Program teaches social boundaries. Your school or school board should have a copy of this program. Ask your Special Education Resource Teacher (SERT) if they have one available and if they can incorporate it into their school program.

The American Girls Care and Keeping of You Books are great for teaching hygiene and body changes, etc. Let’s face it, hygiene is a big factor in whether or not our kids make and keep friendships! The Feelings Book is also another great one to check out!

The Greenspan Floortime Approach website has a free online course and resources for parents. It’s been years since we incorporated this method in our home or with some of the children I’ve worked with and what I remember is putting myself in “their world”. If a child was spinning in a circle, I would join them. If they were flapping their hands and making noises, I would join them. If they were lining cars up, you guessed it, I joined them. This allowed the child to see that I was interested in what they were doing. I was amazed at the eye contact I received and the smiles because I was joining their play instead of trying to direct their play. We connected which eventually led to trust. I could then add to their play. It was incredible! And very rewarding.

Throughout the years, we have met some pretty incredible people and families. Especially in our autism community. If you ever get the chance to go to any social groups through Autism Ontario or other programs, take the leap and go! Even if you have hesitations. I promise you it will be worth it! The parents get it! They will support you and offer assistance. You won’t get the stares (even if it is just out of curiosity and not judgement), and you and your children will connect with other parents and siblings and friends that can possibly last a lifetime!

We have gone on some overnight trips through Autism Ontario and they have been some of my favourite moments that provided some of my favourite memories. If you are in the Georgian Bay area, check out the Kinark Outdoor Centre. Look under Autism and see their family respite weekends (definitely one of my favourites) and family camp programs. We attended the Family Respite Weekend and it was incredible! Hubby and I got about 2-3 hours a day to ourselves to do what we wanted while G was with a one on one worker and her siblings were off with a group doing activities with other siblings. It was amazing!!

Again, this is just a small list of books/sites and I could go on and on but each child is different and only you will know what works best for them. This will hopefully get you started! If you need more specific strategies, send me an email. We’ll help each other out!

 

*Koegel Autism: Pivotal Response Treatment (PRT) Training and Services.

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Dating?!? Oh boy…

GG’s biggest struggle with her peers is not making friends, it’s keeping them. She is a very popular girl at school! Everyone knows her and is extremely kind to her. Yet she never gets invited to hang out with them outside of school. Like I said before, this would be complicated to arrange making sure she had the supervision she needs, but we’ve never really had to worry about it because she doesn’t get invited.

She is starting to see that as she gets older, the gaps are getting larger. She is realizing that the kids in her special ed department are pretty cool and she feels so much more comfortable with them. They understand. They accept her for who she is. Being “cool” isn’t what’s important now (sometimes). It’s having friends that genuinely like her.

The only problem now is, most of her friends are all in the same boat. They all want friendships or a partner so badly they go from meeting each other one day, being best friends within 5 minutes, to either dating or hating each other the next.

With the dating comes holding hands, kissing and you know the rest of the stages of a relationship. The problem with our kiddos is they go from 0-10 in a nanosecond. And don’t quite understand the boundaries and privacy. We are trying to explain that she  needs to learn how to keep a friend before she starts a dating relationship. Again, this is why it’s so important she still have supervision so they can help her navigate this part of her life. I’d do it if I could, but I don’t think she’d want her mama following her to school everyday!

With hating each other, it’s usually due to a misunderstanding. Someone could be giving her a compliment but she takes it as an insult. Or if she wants someone to like her so badly, she gets extremely anxious and her coping strategies come out. She laughs hysterically, blurts out words (usually in someone’s face), asks a gazillion questions and in all honesty, just annoys the heck out of them. Some of her peers have sensory issues too, so you can imagine how this goes.

We’re just going to take things as they come. Keep talking and working through it. Role play if needed and keep teaching. All I wish is for her to find a lasting friendship. I know it will happen. We just keep hoping it happens sooner, rather than later.

If you’re at the same stage as we are, feel free to connect! We can help each other out!

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It’s Common Sense, Right? Wrong.

I was at a conference a few years back and heard a woman speak about living with autism. Some of the things she said that I found so interesting revolved around her perception of things. She had told us that the first time she came to present at this conference, she was asked to put her speech on a disk or USB stick. She had no idea how to do that so she threw the computer across the room. She wasn’t trying to be defiant. She wasn’t trying to be aggressive. She just felt that if the computer was broken she wouldn’t have to do what she didn’t know how to do. Completely innocent in her mind. Completely unacceptable to everyone else around her.

She also mentioned that while she was looking out the window high up from her hotel room, she saw something across the street she wanted. In her mind, the quickest way to get there was to go out the window. Luckily she had people to stop her, but this was her way of thinking.

This was an adult who was capable of standing in front of hundreds of people explaining why she does what she does, even letting us know that she is obsessed with skating or gymnastics and trampoline so if she goes off topic, make sure one of us let her know, yet the most common sense things were not so common to her. As she stated, what makes the most common sense to us, are the hardest for our kiddos to learn. The more common sense it is, the more you have to teach it.

I’m not saying putting a speech or document on a USB is common sense, or even easy to do for some people. But what would come naturally to us is asking for help. Whether it’s with words, body language, gestures, sign language, etc. Communication is extremely important. In whatever way your child communicates. Did you know that 80% of communication is body language. So don’t get discouraged if your child doesn’t speak. We can still teach them what they need to know.

This holds very true for our G. When she was a toddler and not yet speaking, she would throw her plate across the room. Right off the high chair just missing someone’s head with her bowl and spraying us, the floor and walls with food. We did end up putting some food directly on her tray but that wasn’t teaching her anything. We started catching her just as she was taking that last bite and showing her the sign “All Done” and removing her bowl. It took a while but she got it! No more food baths for the rest of us! 🙂 Was she being difficult? No! She just knew that when she was done, she would remove her plate the way she knew how. Or more likely, that was her way of communicating to us that she was done.

This is just one of many examples of how it may seem like your child is being defiant, rude or aggressive, when in reality, this is far from the truth.  With a little love, understanding and investigating (mixed in with your confusion and frustration), your child will soar.

Really think of what you do in a day, and how many steps it takes to complete one thing. Even if your child is just in the room watching and listening to you do it, they are learning. Model, model, model. There is a great book by Jennifer O’Toole on helping to teach your children some basic life skills. She has AwEsOmE ideas and great tips and tricks! Check it out here.

 

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Fetal Alcohol Disorder

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is caused when a woman drinks alcohol during pregnancy. It is a spectrum of disorders.

Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder (FASD), Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS), Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE), Partial Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (pFAS), Alcohol Related Neurological Disorder (ARND), Static Encephalopathy Alcohol Exposed (SEAE), and Alcohol Related Birth Defects (ARBD).  To go over each one would make this a very long blog post so check out the resources below.

The FASlink Fetal Alcohol Disorders Society  is a busy looking site but has a lot of information if you would like to learn more.

My absolute favourite resource and the one workshop where I learned the most was from Jeff Noble. If you ever get a chance to hear him speak, make sure you do!! You will not be disappointed! You can check out his website here. He has a Facebook page called Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Forever w/ Jeff Noble. Jeff also has a couple of great books. They are the first things I would recommend you read. Check there out here!

If you are a birth mother, one thing to always remember is that you did not intentionally hurt your baby. Jeff Noble makes it very clear in the beginning of his workshops that no mother ever intentionally hurts their child. Don’t be afraid to seek help and speak to him. He is non-judgemental and very understanding.

G got a diagnosis of ARND. She will always need an external brain (support people) to help her throughout life. It’s not easy. She is so very aware of her surroundings and how a “typical” 14 year old behaves. What they are able to do and what she struggles with. It’s heartbreaking. But as she gets older we are coming to a common understanding of what she can do on her own and what she needs help with. She is appreciating the help more often than she used to. She doesn’t like it, but when she thinks of how life would be without our help, it frightens her.

Fetal Alcohol Syndromes are extremely hard. Hard for the child/adult diagnosed and hard for the family and those assisting them. There are success stories for those who have the support. Don’t give up and don’t be afraid to ask for help! You don’t have to do this on your own.

Here are a few other resources you can check out.

FASDCHILDWELFARE.CA

FASDCHILDWELFARE.CA  Caregiver Curriculum has 6 Modules from the effects of the brain, living with FASD, caregiver self-care to symptoms and working with professionals.

The Government of Canada has many links to other supports in our country. Check them out here.

*For all of you caregivers out there, you will need some respite. That break that allows you to recharge your batteries.

Here is a list of Respite Services in Simcoe County.

Click here for the link of respite services located throughout Canada.

Our Ontario Government website explains how you can qualify and apply for respite services and who to call.

If you need anything else, send me an email at wellbalancedlife@rogers.com

Remember you aren’t alone!!

 

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