Dating?!? Oh boy…

GG’s biggest struggle with her peers is not making friends, it’s keeping them. She is a very popular girl at school! Everyone knows her and is extremely kind to her. Yet she never gets invited to hang out with them outside of school. Like I said before, this would be complicated to arrange making sure she had the supervision she needs, but we’ve never really had to worry about it because she doesn’t get invited.

She is starting to see that as she gets older, the gaps are getting larger. She is realizing that the kids in her special ed department are pretty cool and she feels so much more comfortable with them. They understand. They accept her for who she is. Being “cool” isn’t what’s important now (sometimes). It’s having friends that genuinely like her.

The only problem now is, most of her friends are all in the same boat. They all want friendships or a partner so badly they go from meeting each other one day, being best friends within 5 minutes, to either dating or hating each other the next.

With the dating comes holding hands, kissing and you know the rest of the stages of a relationship. The problem with our kiddos is they go from 0-10 in a nanosecond. And don’t quite understand the boundaries and privacy. We are trying to explain that she  needs to learn how to keep a friend before she starts a dating relationship. Again, this is why it’s so important she still have supervision so they can help her navigate this part of her life. I’d do it if I could, but I don’t think she’d want her mama following her to school everyday!

With hating each other, it’s usually due to a misunderstanding. Someone could be giving her a compliment but she takes it as an insult. Or if she wants someone to like her so badly, she gets extremely anxious and her coping strategies come out. She laughs hysterically, blurts out words (usually in someone’s face), asks a gazillion questions and in all honesty, just annoys the heck out of them. Some of her peers have sensory issues too, so you can imagine how this goes.

We’re just going to take things as they come. Keep talking and working through it. Role play if needed and keep teaching. All I wish is for her to find a lasting friendship. I know it will happen. We just keep hoping it happens sooner, rather than later.

If you’re at the same stage as we are, feel free to connect! We can help each other out!

Continue Reading

It’s Common Sense, Right? Wrong.

I was at a conference a few years back and heard a woman speak about living with autism. Some of the things she said that I found so interesting revolved around her perception of things. She had told us that the first time she came to present at this conference, she was asked to put her speech on a disk or USB stick. She had no idea how to do that so she threw the computer across the room. She wasn’t trying to be defiant. She wasn’t trying to be aggressive. She just felt that if the computer was broken she wouldn’t have to do what she didn’t know how to do. Completely innocent in her mind. Completely unacceptable to everyone else around her.

She also mentioned that while she was looking out the window high up from her hotel room, she saw something across the street she wanted. In her mind, the quickest way to get there was to go out the window. Luckily she had people to stop her, but this was her way of thinking.

This was an adult who was capable of standing in front of hundreds of people explaining why she does what she does, even letting us know that she is obsessed with skating or gymnastics and trampoline so if she goes off topic, make sure one of us let her know, yet the most common sense things were not so common to her. As she stated, what makes the most common sense to us, are the hardest for our kiddos to learn. The more common sense it is, the more you have to teach it.

I’m not saying putting a speech or document on a USB is common sense, or even easy to do for some people. But what would come naturally to us is asking for help. Whether it’s with words, body language, gestures, sign language, etc. Communication is extremely important. In whatever way your child communicates. Did you know that 80% of communication is body language. So don’t get discouraged if your child doesn’t speak. We can still teach them what they need to know.

This holds very true for our G. When she was a toddler and not yet speaking, she would throw her plate across the room. Right off the high chair just missing someone’s head with her bowl and spraying us, the floor and walls with food. We did end up putting some food directly on her tray but that wasn’t teaching her anything. We started catching her just as she was taking that last bite and showing her the sign “All Done” and removing her bowl. It took a while but she got it! No more food baths for the rest of us! 🙂 Was she being difficult? No! She just knew that when she was done, she would remove her plate the way she knew how. Or more likely, that was her way of communicating to us that she was done.

This is just one of many examples of how it may seem like your child is being defiant, rude or aggressive, when in reality, this is far from the truth.  With a little love, understanding and investigating (mixed in with your confusion and frustration), your child will soar.

Really think of what you do in a day, and how many steps it takes to complete one thing. Even if your child is just in the room watching and listening to you do it, they are learning. Model, model, model. There is a great book by Jennifer O’Toole on helping to teach your children some basic life skills. She has AwEsOmE ideas and great tips and tricks! Check it out here.

 

Continue Reading

Gift Ideas

Shopping for your child may be a hard task. For GG her clothing has to be the right comfort and fabric, not scratchy or too tight or too loose. She has never really done the pretend play with dollhouses or cars and trains. Craft supplies and cooking/baking supplies require that I am available to assist her with these projects. She never liked to build with blocks or lego, play sports or and she’s not into video games.

As she’s gotten older, it’s getting easier to buy for her. She now has an idea of what she wants and doesn’t want. She loves Roots clothes (I swear we should own a share in this company since it’s all she would wear for years). She is very much into Apple products/electronics and she is still obsessed with elves and christmas itself. I can’t share what I got her this year, at least not before Christmas but I can share with you some neat toys that your children might like.

Here are my favourites:

The Tranquil Turtle is a night light turtle that projects and under water effect and also plays the sound of the waves and a melody.

They also have other turtles and ladybugs that project the constellation on the ceiling.

Trampolines are always great fun! You can get many different types of mini trampolines instead of just this basic one. There are some with handles or you can even get one with a net around it.

Hanging chairs/swings can also be hung in your house if you have the room. We even got a chin up bar that fits between the door jam so we could hang it up and take it down whenever we wanted. I don’t remember the name brand of the bar we had, but this gives you an idea.

Ikea has a well priced tunnel and tent that can collapse down so you can tuck it under the bed or behind a dresser. I’m pretty sure you can find these at Walmart as well. Ikea also has a circus tent and play kitchen with soft fabric food with your child would prefer this (and doesn’t put everything in their mouth). They also have real looking miniature size kitchen utensils and dishes. This is great for teaching them how to cook and serve in the kitchen.

Bean bags are a nice gift too but check out these Crash Mats! I haven’t bought anything from Hippo Hug, but I’m loving that it’s Canadian based and there is a video about the benefits of weighted blankets. They are pricey but if your child or adult calms with deep pressure, check it out! I love their mermaid bracelets and chewlery too!!

National Austism Resources share a whole bunch of ideas! It’s an American company but just google any toys that peek your interest. You can get just about anything online these days.

I hope this helps! Have fun shopping!!

Continue Reading

Well Balanced? Really?!?

 

Well this has been a week or two of not feeling balanced at all. In work, home and health. What does being well balanced mean anyway? To clear up the title “Well Balanced Life” I wanted to make sure you knew that in no way does it mean life is all rainbows and sunshine. It’s not a Leave It to Beaver or Truman Show household over here! I have 3 teenagers and balancing their needs with my own feels impossible sometimes. Between working full time, living with an autoimmune disorder, raising 3 teenagers (all with their own set of needs), finding time for housework, trying to figure out what helps me stay healthy and not relapse…the list goes on…it’s hard to stay balanced! We all have busy lives! But I came across a quote from Rachel Brathen – Yoga Girl that I just love. It was the inspiration for the name of my blog “Well Balanced Life”.  I hope it can resonate with you as well.

So don’t be too hard on yourself. Find your balance. Find what works for you and take the time to do it. I’m going to take some time to just breathe, do yoga and think about what I am thankful for this Thanksgiving weekend. That’s what helps me regain my balance in life. I’m also going to buy a Mint Chocolate Dark Chocolate bar as a treat! My heart wants it.

Happy Thanksgiving xo

Continue Reading